Sad joy.

I was going to write about something completely different in this post until I started typing.  I am impressed to share with you what it's like helping the poor and needy here in South Africa. What it REALLY feels like.

I see a small child with a belly full of air. When was her last meal? She is the size of a 2 year old but she is really four.  Malnourishment will do that to you.  Her eyes are big, her face is expressionless, she doesn't play. She has no energy.  Her parents have died from AIDs, her relatives may mistreat her. You just don't know.  You hear so many stories of terrible things happening to vulnerable and orphaned children.

So here is this little beauty and I stand there, just looking at her. I want to hold her, I want to pray over her, I want to love her. I smile because she is such a treasure but inside anger starts to build. How can this happen to a child? Thousands and millions of children?

Grief starts to set in: it is unbearable to think of her going to bed hungry. It's unbearable to think she can't even play because she has no fuel in her body.  It's grotesque to think of what harm may come to her from the witch doctor.  Anger! Anger at sin and the fallen state of this crooked and depraved world!

She starts to walk and she trips. She gets the tiniest little cut on her tiny little finger and her eyes start to well up. I go to her and pick her up. She doesn't speak, tears roll down her cheeks but she doesn't make a sound.  I sit her down and take a bandaid from my purse, ready to start crying myself. Oh God save her! Rescue her from this life!

I put a Sponge Bob bandaid on her finger and she stares at me. I stare back.

She can't speak my language. I can't speak hers.

Silence and staring, that's all we do for what seems like forever but in actuality is less than a minute. I feel sick. I feel helpless, I feel sad, I feel inadequate.

Chloe says she needs to go to the bathroom and starts to tug on me.

I go off with Chloe but I'm really with the little girl. Oh God, please rescue that child! I feel the warmth of Chloe's little hand in mine. Oh God keep Chloe safe and with us always! Two little girls, Two different worlds.

We give the children food.  We give them a few small toys, a stuffed animal.  Someone translates a Bible story being read. "Listen to this Bible story . . ."  Oh God rescue that little girl, please! "And God sent Jesus . . . " Father, you are there for the Fatherless, please protect her from all harm and deliver her from all evil. The Bible story ends, my heart continues to break, feeling helpless, feeling overcome with grief.  Praying and praying and praying.

For two days my heart continues to ache.  When my girls squeal and play I think of the little girl in the plaid shirt: she doesn't play.  My girls take a bath and I think of the little girl: she has probably never had a bath in her shack.  My girls eat breakfast, lunch, snacks and dinner, and yes, I think of the little girl. She probably hasn't eaten all day.  My girls go to bed in their own rooms on their own beds in clean clothes and a full belly, I think of the little girl who has none of this.

I talk to my girls about thankfulness one morning and Savannah says, "I'm thankful I have a mom and dad, and a family and food to eat and a warm bed." My eyes start to well up.  Tears run down my cheeks but I don't make a sound.  A million emotions collide and I just stare. Gratitude wells up in my heart but speaking is impossible.  I think of the little girl.  Was that what was happening when I gave her a baindaid? Is it possible part of her tears were gratitude? Gratitude that someone held her? Gratitude that someone cared for her? Gratitude that someone noticed her?

I am so grateful for the heart God is giving my children. So grateful, yet so sad at what they see. Sad joy.

Did God use me as part of that little girls rescue? Was that small interaction a gift of hope to her? Did I show her that someone loves her which will help her understand that there is a God that loves her?

Suddenly I don't feel as helpless.  Suddenly I have hope for the little girl in the plaid shirt with the crazy hair and beautiful big eyes. God CAN rescue her. God CAN save her.  I will pray to that end. I will fight for her in prayer!

"Help" and "Hope" have new meanings to me now.  A smile is a gift to someone in need. Yes food, yes clothes, yes medicine.  But it is the physical touch, the eye contact, it's making them feel human, it's the attempted conversation. It's meeting their felt need while meeting their real need: to know their need for a Savior and to know that that Savior is Jesus.

We are all this needy, some of us just don't realize it. We ALL need Jesus. We ALL have sinned. We ALL fall short of the glory of God. We are all as destitute as this little girl. We need His rescue, we need to believe in His life, death and resurrection and receive His forgiveness of the punishment of our sin: eternal separation from Him.  When we do this He adopts us, we are His forever. We are rescued!

Though it hurts every time I see an orphaned child, though it hurts seeing homeless people on the street, though my heart never seems to mend from sadness and grief, I do have hope. I have Jesus and I want to share Him whether it be through prayer, word or deed.

There isn't enough money in the world to make things right for the continent of Africa. But there is a God big enough to make their hearts right with His. Thank you Jesus!

A lighthearted update

I think it is high time to have a fun blog post!  After all, being a missionary isn't all hardship and suffering. The Lord gives adventure and fun and, well,  life is life whether you are in the states or overseas.  Here are some pics and videos of our daily life and recent adventures.

PILANESBERG GAME RESERVE: day trip over Christmas break

Naturally, since the girls were at an amazing game reserve they had the most fun camping out in the back of the Landy, reading books and playing games.

AJ is on the lookout for animals with binoculars in hand.

Hippo's! 

Lioness tucked behind the tree.

This elephant was far in the distance and then ended up walking right in front of us. Want to see the video of that? 

 

I am not zooming in, I am panicking, and Savannah is praying that Jesus will keep us safe. It was so COOL!

WEEKEND PROJECT: Putting up a tree swing

Robb has climbed to the limb needed for the tree swing, has drilled and is securing the hardware. (In the background you can see the trampoline Santa gave the girls for Christmas.  We love having a backyard!)

Chloe, and all of us girls were a bit nervous for him.

He did it! A tree swing has been installed and little girl giggles are filling the air!

SUN CITY: day trip over Christmas break

A water park and hotel resort, we just stayed for the day. Thankfully it is just 2 hours away. The girls had an awesome time.

It was so pretty!

Robb was the wave pool guy.  The girls just couldn't get enough of those waves!

 RANDOM DAILY LIFE

We are so fortunate to have received so many packages over the holidays!

Eating an African meal. Holding a chicken foot, which I proudly ate!

Chloe working hard at preschool . . . in her own special way.

Like many of you, we left out milk and cookies for Santa!

We baked Christmas cookies . . .

And we enjoy going to game reserves in our area for Sunday picnics.

So, in a lot of ways our lives are just like yours!  Some things are different, better or worse depending on your perspective and life situation.  Nonetheless, we couldn't do any of this without you and the Lord.  You play a HUGE role in our lives and effectiveness here!  Thanks for making our lives so rich with your love and support!  We love collaborating with you in prayer as you lift us up and we lift you up to our Great God.

Until next time, may the Lord bless your daily lives and your ministry to your families and those around you as you enjoy God, love Him and love others.
Katie

Eye of the Storm

When all our hopes are gone,

It is best our hands keep toiling on

     For others' sake:

For strength to bear is found in duty done;

And he is best indeed who learns to make

The joy of others cure his own heartache.

Streams in the Desert, October 30

I read that the center of a cyclone is the most undisturbed part of the storm. In fact, it's peaceful. Quiet. A child can even slumber in the midst of a storm like this. The winds whirl all around, chaos ensues on it's every rim. Yet, in the center, in the eye of the storm, there is peace.  

Last year in Asia, we felt the Lord kept reminding us of the passage in scripture where Jesus calmed the storm. The disciples were frantic from the storm, fearful that it would be their demise. Yet Jesus calmed the storm in an instant. They only had to ask, they only had to remember who was with them. They needed to look at Jesus and not the storm. This was the theme of our hearts last year: look to Jesus, remember who is with us, fret not about the storms around us.

When we landed in Africa, storm upon storm encircled us.  Our home had some hiccups and delayed our moving in by one month. The stress of moving to 2 countries within a year hit hard. Our identity was lost. We now not only missed the culture of our home country but we now missed the culture of our last home in Asia.  Our two oldest daughters behavior went from sweet to incredibly naughty and mean and even destructive. We felt lost, out of place, confused in the midst of a storm.

Really, I made my own cyclone.  I couldn't let go of what was. I couldn't let go of the comfort America had to offer us. I couldn't let go of the grief that swelled up daily of missing our family and friends.  I couldn't let go. It was who I was.  This lead to weeks of readjusted thinking: I am a child of the King, I am not an American first or a daughter first or a friend first. I am of royal heritage of the God who will never leave me nor forsake me. I am a child of the God who sees me.

As in Asia, gratitude became our ammunition.  Being thankful when it hurts, when it's emotionless--well, that is a really really hard thing to do. Yet we had so much to be thankful for! Every step of our journey had been hemmed in behind and before by the Lord!  What we needed to do was stop dilly dallying on the edge of the cyclone where self pity, grief,  and despair threatened our every thought. We needed to get to the eye of the storm and fast!

From all of Robb's trainings he has met many people and has networked to meet lots of missionaries.  One such encounter lead to another and before we knew it we were hosting a sweet young missionary named Kacy and a little 3 year  old boy, Given, who had serious but not life threatening medical issues. Kacy has been ministering to Given and his family for a very long time, praying they would know Jesus, the only one who has the power to help them out of their poverty both physically and spiritually. Given and Kacy stayed  with us for 4 days. When they first got here my heart was hard and sad and fighting to see the positives in this whirlwind life the Lord has chosen for us.

As the days went on my heart lightened, joy was creeping in. I loved this sweet missionary and this child! The Lord let me stop thinking about myself and start thinking about someone else: a perfect cure to heartache. By the end of the week Robb and I bought groceries to go home with this sweet boy. His mom is a single mom of 5. 

Later, Kacy told us the impact these groceries had.  Given's mom not only felt God's love through Kacy's help in taking him to the doctor, but she couldn't believe that a family that has never met her would provide food for her family.  They literally just ran out of food! There wasn't a single crumb left in there tiny shack!

This, and other opportunities the Lord has provided to think about others has lead to the eye of the storm: a place of peace, rest and hope. Our hearts are once again filled with thankfulness and our girls are back to themselves.  Our home is a safe haven, a refuge in this place we now call home yet feels so foreign.

Thank you for your continued prayers, love and support. You have been the hands and feet of God's love to us, enabling us to be the hands and feet of the Lord to the people of South Africa. Thank God for the body of Christ, an indescribable gift! We pray that whether you find yourself on the rim of the cyclone or in the center, that the Lord's hand will be upon you.  We pray that grace upon grace will be your daily love notes from the Lord as you run this worthy race until the day we meet our King face to face. May the Lord's peace be with you all.

"Do not call to mind the former things, or ponder things of the past.  Behold, I will do something new.  Now it will spring forth; will you not be aware of it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, rivers in the desert." 

Isaiah 43:18-19

Kacy, Given and Chloe

Made it to Africa!

Wow! Every morning we wake up we think, "Are we really in Africa? Wow, that was fast!"  Thank you so much for your prayers.  Our flights went SO well.  Thank you for the time and love you put into asking God to give us His traveling mercies.  No one got sick.  The girls slept A LOT. It was just perfect!

First things first: here we are at Chicago, O'Hare.  Packed up all our favorite and most necessary items into 14 bags, 5 carry-ons, and 5 back packs.  Robb and I wore 2 back packs each, pulled 2 carry-ons each, and rock and rolled all the way to Africa!

Our first flight was to Washington D.C. So far, so good.  :)

I have to say, A.J. in her pink-head-to-toe outfit was just cuteness to the max.  She worked her magic and received many smiles and compliments on her blinking pink cowgirl hat.

Seeing our plane definitely made my stomach flip. This is really happening!  We braced ourselves for the 18 hours ahead and got on the plane.

It was a great flight! Robb and I had time in the Word, read our books about South Africa and even studied some Afrikaans and Zulu. Thank you Lord!

We made it! We landed in Johannesburg, South Africa around dinner time the following day. It was surreal to say the least.

A few days later God gave us this truck! It was significantly cheaper then we budgeted and, well, it's just so cool!  It's a Land Rover 110 Defender and we affectionately call it our "Landy" just like the locals.  Not only can this haul a ton of aid and relief, but it can fit a lot of people.  We hope that someday you can join us in the Lord's work here and take a spin in our Landy serving the people of South Africa.

The Lord has given us a contract on a rental home, and though it needs a little work, this home is AMAZING!  It has tons of space, an amazing back yard and loads of space!  This is another great gift from the Lord as we see this home is just perfect to house mission teams visiting and serving with us (hint hint). The owners are actually missionaries themselves!  They are the dearest Christians and we thank God for them.  They have lowered our rent since we are missionaries--in fact, they prayed specifically for missionaries to rent from them as they view this home as God's house and they want missionaries to be blessed and be a blessing in this home.  We are so thankful!  If it is the Lord's will, we hope to move in by the end of September. Would you pray with us to that end?

We have really enjoyed being here so far but our heads are spinning!  There are so many languages being spoken around us and there seems to be 2 cultures here which makes it a little more to absorb and make sense of.  Everyone we have met has been so kind and warm.  We've enjoyed putting some of our basic language skills to the test and can't wait to learn more!  Thank the Lord that nearly everyone speaks English as well as their own language and most often another language as well. The people are amazing here!

We have been thankful for the little Chinese we know so that we can speak in code when we talk about money or something we aren't sure we should say in public as there is a high crime rate.  We even speak to the girls in Chinese for urgent safety precautions, how handy is that? 

We are anxious to get into our home and settle. But we are so grateful for the Lord's tender care of our weary hearts. He truly is the Good Shepherd.  Please continue to lift us up as we have many decisions regarding repairs and purchases for our home.  We want to be good stewards of God's money.

We are praying for you and thanking God for you. May you hear His voice clearly and rest in His timing with whatever circumstances you face right now. The Lord bless you as you have blessed us. To God be the glory!

Much love,
Katie (and Robb)